Sex as Connection

Growing up evangelical, I was told - both explicitly and implicitly - that being gay was a sin, particularly when someone “acted out on it.” Being gay was reduced to mere sex acts, so it made sense at the time — long before I came to terms with my sexuality. But when I came out, I realized how nonsensical that sentiment was; it dawned on me that sexuality permeates every part of one’s being, just like any other facet of one’s identity.

Among the many ways in which sexuality intertwines with how we exist in the world, how we connect with others is one of them. And I’m not just talking about sex. Indeed, it might be easier to connect with folks you are sexually attracted to (or attracted to in general), or folks you’re having sex with. But sexuality influences everything from how we form relationships, how we express our gender, to how we see the world. It’s difficult to name everything sexuality shapes, but my point is that we can’t compartmentalize or segment any one part of ourselves. Every part is connected to all the others.

Sexuality is a gift, a good and beautiful thing. It’s an opportunity for us to connect with others, something greater than ourselves (God, nature, the universe, and so forth), and indeed, ourselves. Sexuality is with us whether we are with others or not, having sex or not. Indeed, having sex with others doesn’t affirm our sexuality any more than not having sex takes away from it. We, as sexual humans, simply are.