Choosing the Right Therapist
Choosing a new therapist can be overwhelming. Whether navigating a lack of providers, trying to use your insurance, or seeking certain preferences such as identities and treatment modalities, it can feel near impossible to find the ideal therapist for you. Learning about what makes therapy effective, however, may change your mind – and make your search a bit easier.
Research shows that one of the most important factors – more than identities of the therapist and client, treatment modality, or techniques used – is the relationship between therapist and client. As the linked article describes, factors such as mutuality and collaboration, flexibility and responsiveness, giving and receiving feedback, and repairing ruptures can turn average therapy into great therapy.
When I meet with prospective clients or wrap-up with existing ones, I tell them that the relationship with their therapist matters most and to prioritize it in their search or therapeutic work. There are a few ways this can look throughout the process:
When searching for a new one. Determining whether you and a therapist have a good rapport can be most helpful when searching for a new one. Initial consultations, especially if held via video, can provide a lot of information about the therapist’s energy, personal style, and how they communicate with clients. This is exactly why I offer video consultations when I meet with potential clients. I want us both to get a fuller picture of each other and offer clients a good idea of what telehealth would be like. Gut reactions are there for a reason, so pay attention to what your gut is telling you in the initial consultation.
Once you begin working together. Indeed, you can only determine so much from an initial consultation. You may decide to move forward based on an intuition that the relationship might be good for you. Early sessions are a great time to tell your therapist what’s worked for you in previous therapy, what hasn’t worked, and if you’ve never seen a therapist before, what works or doesn’t work in relationships. Do you prefer direct communication and being challenged? Or do you prefer someone who mostly listens and offers occasional insight or summaries? Do you enjoy homework, i.e., concrete tasks you can practice or complete between sessions? Advocate for yourself and tell your therapist what you want from the outset or as it comes up in your work together. They should be open to your feedback and even ask for it along the way.
After working together for a while. Prioritizing the therapeutic relationship after you’ve been meeting for some time can look like offering feedback (positive or constructive), bringing goals or agenda items to sessions, and bringing up conflict when something is bothering you. Of course, many of these are ultimately the responsibility of your therapist, and the power dynamic between counselor and client can’t be ignored. Even so, there’s something to be said for advocating for yourself, prioritizing your needs, and working through conflict promptly and as needed. Clients should feel empowered to get what they need and want out of therapy.
From your initial search to being many sessions into your therapeutic journey, your gut and intuition can guide you in making an informed, confident decision about who to work with. It’s never too late to start therapy and it’s never too late to change therapists if needed. You’re in the driver’s seat, and with some clarity about what’s worked and not worked in therapy and other relationships, you’ll be able to find a therapist you’ll work well with. Ultimately, therapist and client being a good fit and having a safe, trusting relationship will make your work more effective, healing, and empowering in the long run.
