Dreams, Fantasies & Thoughts
Dreams, fantasies, thoughts – why do they occur, and what do they mean? Are they the meaningless result of synapses firing in the brain, or do they signify something deeper seated in the unconscious mind?
Some folks feel distressed by the things they dream, fantasize, or think about. For those who grew up in purity culture or a conservative home environment, there might have been shame surrounding the products of their thought life, conscious or otherwise. At worst, dreams, fantasies, and thoughts can feel threatening and scary, challenging our sense of self or the type of person we want to be. But at their best, dreams, fantasies, and thoughts can be opportunities for insight, desired change, and ultimately, getting in touch with aspects of ourselves we may not normally engage with. The rest of this post will explore each of these individually and consider what they might mean for our mental and emotional well-being.
Dreams. Rather than your hopes or aspirations for the future, I’m talking about the kind you might have while sleeping. Whether their content leaves you disturbed, inspired, or indifferent, dreams could signify your brain organizing the previous day’s information or making sense of your circumstances. Other times, your dreams might shed light on what’s taking up mental and emotional space, consciously or otherwise.
Fantasies. In sex therapy, fantasies tend to be placed into two different categories: ones you enjoy in your mind’s eye but would never act out on, and ones you would actually like to experience. Similar to dreams, fantasies mean what you make them to mean. In his book The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin talks about our Core Erotic Themes and explains how fantasies can help us better understand the depth of our sexuality. In turn, reflecting on our fantasies and Core Erotic Theme can help us make more informed choices about our sexuality and self-expression. In other words, awareness and insight from fantasies can lead to change, empowerment, and action that better aligns with our life and values.
Thoughts. You’ve likely heard the anecdote in which someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant. But now what are you thinking about? A pink elephant. Like dreams and fantasies, we don’t have complete control over our thought life. If we attempt to repress our thoughts, we likely think about those things more, and they can consume more energy and mental space. If you’ve meditated or engaged in any kind of mindfulness practice, you’ve probably been asked to notice your thoughts passing by, like fish in an aquarium or clouds in the sky. While your thought life might indicate worries, wonderings, or something else, you can’t necessarily control every thought that passes by.
Why are we discussing dreams, fantasies, and thoughts, and what do they have to do with mental health? As described at the beginning of this post, these tends not to be harmful or distressing unless you react to them, casting judgement, shame, or frustration. Even more, if these things lead to actions that harm you, someone else, another living being, or someone’s property, feelings of distress may be justified and seeking support from a mental health professional could be necessary. For many of us though, the things we dream, fantasize, and think about are nothing more than a typical human experience. Rather than taking them literally or even too seriously, we can view them as opportunities to understand ourselves better, glean insight, and make empowered decisions to live our most authentic lives.
As you read this post, what stands out to you most? What are your dreams, fantasies, or thoughts trying to communicate? Do you want them to communicate anything to you? The choice is entirely up to you, and whatever you take away from this, the point is that there’s no judgment, no shame, and your mental life reflects but a part of what it means to be human.
